Lucky?
by hermy81290
Summary: Harry Potter wonders whether his life was really worth living, Harry's pov on what has happened after the war. Harry and Draco share a moment of their dreams and leave each other mesmorized. Is Harry lucky?


**Lucky?**

_We are all lucky, you just have to find out how?

* * *

I walked along the dusty road to nowhere, how many times I had walked these streets, and yet never felt whole. I had watched as world slipped through my fingers like air, I had nothing left, nothing to live for, my life meant nothing._

Except?

_The wizarding world needed me; I was their tool. I was Harry Potter, the golden boy, the saviour, and the wizard who could do anything, but that is gone now. I have lived my purpose and without the dark lord, I am worthless. I watch as the rosy red ladybirds crawl by, so insignificant, they didn't have a purpose, like me, so I am like a ladybird, how depressing._

_I watch the last of the first year's walk back to the carriages, the innocence was almost floating around them, and they could not see those black, fiery-eyed horses. Those creatures which only told of one thing, death. I'd had many people die around me, I think at some point in my life, I would have given anything to know I'd still be alive, but now, well now I really don't know._

_I am sitting alone, in the common room. People are talking, happily like life is a fairytale, they don't know anything, and people died so that they could live a trouble free life and they probably don't know the half of it. Nearby, I hear Ron and Hermione, arguing they do that a lot, ever since they became more than friends. I listen to hear the trouble this time. ' I don't love you anymore Hermione, I really can't trust you, you are worthless!' It sounds dreadful from here, I hear Hermione sobbing and Ron's footsteps getting quieter. Ron's family are mostly gone now, they died during the war, and he has never been him self since. _

_Seamus is sitting at one of the tables, crying silently, hiding his face with a book. His family has been tore apart, his father left home and his mother has ran off leaving him homeless and alone. Dean isn't much better off; he was last seen trying to drown himself in the 4th floor bathroom. He has just learnt the truth about his real father, and how Death Eaters murdered him. I felt sorry for everyone, I knew how it felt to have things taken away from you, I lost everything during my childhood, I also knew nothing could ever make up for what you have lost. Losing my parents was something I could learn to deal with, but then to lose everyone I ever held dear, my friends died, my godfather died and my life slipped away bit by bit with them._

_I am outside, sitting on the grass in the grounds. Hagrid is cleaning his hut, his boarhound; Fang has just passed away, Fang was like his soulmate after having Buckbeak taken away, it was the only pet he had left. Hagrid looks helpless I can almost see the loneliness in the half-giant eyes, he has suffered just like everyone else around him. And just like them, he is suffering in silence._

_Many of my fellow students' at Hogwarts had never suffered a pain, as life-shattering as losing someone. Now almost every household in the country had this feeling, but I still can't believe how the pain can live in a heart for so long. Neville, has left school for good after his parent's were attacked in St Mungo's, Lavendar Brown is hysterical after her eight year old cousin Megan, was found critically ill, and stunned at her home. The Patil twins have gone home for the term, to spend their last days with their critically ill mother. Even the Slytherins are suffering, I hadn't even noticed until Pansy Parkinson had run out of the great hall screaming, 'Slytherins have suffered too, you know!', and a fifth year ravenclaw, had found her shivering and rocking forwards and backwards like a lunatic._

_I just sit and contemplate things, during my hours at Hogwarts. I have nothing, there I nothing left in life for anyone, I am doing nobody any favours, being alive. I would have taken my life, after Voldemort had gone forever, but I was too scared. I have been told my worst fear is fear itself, if that is true then I am a coward, I am too scared to take my own life, and I am selfish. I am the living reminder of what has been, and when people see me, depressed, lonely, alone, they become depressed. I have an aura about me; I bring on attacks of tears and awful memories. But then my death would only add to the despair that has filled the world, which I held so dear._

_Maybe, just maybe this is how it should be. House unity has finally submerged, the houses have gone, we now eat as a school, but it has done nothing really. Most of the students eat alone, even friends sit further apart, that is only sometimes though, as many students skip meals, and take to their dorms, or outside. The lake has become a haven to those wishing to brood over past memories, and the quidditch pitch has seen many students flying around, just to take their minds elsewhere if only for a few hours._

_I have taken over this spot, on the grass, high upon a hill at the edge of Hogwarts. It looks out onto the lake and is very tranquil and I seem to be the only person familiar with its whereabouts. I feel that it is safe enough here to leave my diary, so at 8:45 each night, just before curfew, I put my diary underneath a rock, and leave it there to let my life drift away with the daylight. I have also had a lot of time to think here, I know a lot of things I did not see to know before, while watching everyone and everything pass by. I've realised that my favourite colour is green, ironic really as it I the Slytherin colour, my favourite song is 'what a wonderful world' by Louis Armstrong. I've also realised my true sexuality, I am gay, I have realised that I hold no urges for the opposite sex whatsoever and Cho just made it clearer._

_I also know that I have feelings for another guy and this terrifies me. I like this guy with a passion, I really believe is love, It isn't a crush, not some childish fantasy, this is a real, pure true love._

_The only problem is, I don't know if he reciprocates the feelings. I can hear footsteps behind me, I turn to look and see a dishevelled figure before me. I see those eyes, pale and grey, but for once not cold, the platinum blonde hair, normally so neat, lies messy, and ruffled. This is my dream, the one thing I love in this world, and the thing I cannot have, the thing that does not want me back. This Draco, no longer Malfoy, no longer the bullying toerag I met almost seven years previously, he is what I want, more than anything in this world. He comes and sits before me, his eyes blank, his face empty, then he smiles… The one thing I had never seen Draco ever do not a smirk, not a grin but a proper, heartmelting smile. I sat blankly, with a feeble smile playing across my lips, I watched helplessly as he learned towards me, and oh my god… he kissed me, right there in front of the shocked second years who were in the lake, swimming._

_I sat as I saw Ron's face in the distance burning beetroot red, Draco walked slowly away, the biggest smile across his face. But I remember just as he walked away, what he had whispered in my ear, his warm breath touching my face. ' Hold on Harry, I love you and if you love me you will tell me.' I whispered 'I love you', back at him. He had held me in his arms for that breathtaking minute, and promised me that he would speak at dinner this evening. That was a moment I would cherish forever, always in my heart. I watched a very embarrassed Ron, come over to me, he told me, that he and Hermione were very much in love. He asked me what I was thinking at that exact moment, I looked out at the lake, I saw everyone staring up at me, expecting my words. Everyone looked so content, so happy, then I realised I was happy too. I whispered as the sun was setting in the summer sky _

'_I never realised until this moment how lucky we all are.'_


End file.
